Hear, hear. Very true. I wish I could come up with this phrase.

Sometimes it's just the way things are. it's not me, and neither it's you. So if we're not meant to be together, forcing won't do any good too. But true enough, true color reveals when the time is suitable. At least we learn something new.

Keyboard warrior or Outside settle?

Sometimes you'll think that people can be so funny at times. One can declare that he's not an asshole and yet everyone knows he's ACTUALLY one. As for me, I have seen it many times. Every time he complained that people called him kiasu when he's not one and will instead say that there many people out there are even kiasu-er. He did not or failed to realize that he's the most kiasu of all, arguably not in studies but worse still: daily life. This guy wants to win in every argument. He will not hesitate to tell others that THEY'RE PLAIN WRONG and HE'S DAMN RIGHT. When you say something that he does not agree with, then he'll show you a sour face. Sounds pretty SORE don't you think?

Back to the title of this post: Keyboard warrior or outside settle. This is related to the story above...indirectly. I got so irritated at times when I face such people and yet I chose not to scream at them but to do it here instead. So, I'm known as "keyboard warrior" coz I hide behind the computer and say things about people lol XD. People tend to dislike keyboard warriors coz they are seem as coward and dare not come forward.

This guy I'm talking about just now is the "outside settle" type. He is not afraid to confront people and just blast them kao kao...even best friends are not spared. People also hate this type of personality coz they can be so direct, sometimes too direct.

I personally prefer to keep things to myself coz I really loathe open conflicts. I suffer a lot, and my chest feels congested. That is why. All in all, the best is to do in moderation and not being either type. Hwever, when you're facing this guy above, who refuses to admit defeat and like to cari gaduh, the best is to leave them alone. Fight fire with water. Ignore them. You won;t die without them anyway right?

Tied to the apron string...of a friend

I am just like anyone else. A person who yearns for a sense of belonging. I have this good friend of mine but he is hated by most of the class. And now the worst has come true. People had been alienating him and this sort of spilled over to me...

My dear friend,

I agree that in this group of people, not everyone is worth a friend, but then I just wanna be happy and carefree.

And this applies to an upcoming tour to an island planned by them. I wanna go, but if I'm with you, will I get the chance? Even if I were to go with you, I would end up as a light bulb, and ...your cameraman. Just face it. After all those things that happened no one would be traveling with you. Probably there's another small group, which I think will eventually realize who you are. All the smile that I put on trips with you are all fake. I have been keeping this to myself. You made a trip which is suppose to relief your stress into something stressful. Not once, not twice, but thrice. The way you scream at me, using profanities, reprimanded me like a child, I felt insulted, hurt, betrayed and enraged. And yet, I put on a smile and acted as if nothing had happened.

Being your friend, it seemed that I agree with everything you said. But I am not. Because you would refuse to lose and would argue to the max, so I decided to keep my views to myself. After a recent string of events it has been evident that this friendship is getting strained. I have been hurt lately..by you. I tried my very best to ignore it and I think I sort of succeeded. But then again, because of this, I am seen as your loyal dog, or in a more polite way, your "yes man". I HATE to be labeled this way. After all, I am a person with his own ideas. No one is suppose to dictate the way I live my life.

I have been keeping my distance in order to save this friendship. Because I know you won't back off, so I'll do the dirty job. This upsoming trip will also be my opportunity. I have vowed not to go with you on graduation trip. Because I knew very well that HISTORY WOULD REPEAT ITSELF. IT DEFINITELY WILL. You will never learn, but I will.

Often a slowpoke myself, this is also another example. Where I learned that it is not easy being a person. I should have known this ages ago. But slowpoke is always still slowpoke. Sigh..

"XXX will always be XXX". I guess your friends must have realized it and have given up on you. I believe it's time for me to do the same.

When will I ever learn?

I have been asking this same question to myself over and over again. And yeah the answer seems to be obvious. That I didn't see it coming...again. You said I'm one of your best friend. But you treat me like rubbish. Always trying to prove yourself. You are always right. You are the best. You know the most. Fine. There's some degree of truth of all this. But seriously do you really have to be so KIASU? I know you'll deny it strongly but you're still the kiasu-est in my heart.

I don't forget that easily. I still remember how you shouted at me during Japan. Patted my head like I'm a child in front of other people...younger than me. You have ego, then what about me? You self-centred asshole. Everyone is not happy with you.

Today again I received the same treatment from you. I have been holding back since the conference started. You have been making everyone upset and they too, have bottled their feelings so as not to create a ruckus.

I really have to thank you for today. Because you reminded me of your self-centred personality. You have spoiled my trip to Japan. You have spoiled my very 1st ever buffet dinner at a 5-star hotel. From now on I will take caution when I'm around you, rest assured. No more future trips with you. Enjoy youselves.

Thank you again you jerk.

Butthurt?

Hi all...or rather to me. Here I am again after a short hiatus. Am I going to rant in this blog again? Haha. Anyway, the girl who had a crush on me for a long time is finally in a relationship....with someone else lah of course. Seeing that news on facebook, I felt kinda hurt. But why am I feeling this? To be honest, I have never fallen for her since we 1st met online.

You see, she's the one who made moves and advances to me...and yet I didn't respond. She had allegedly rejected two guys and never failed to inform me about it; she got mad and jealous when I asked her opinion about what to buy for my junior's birthday (yes, I had a crush on my junior!). And when she finally wanted me to confirm my feelings for her last year, I lied and said I had feelings for her too but I gave a lame excuse...saying that it wasn't the right time. I did pondered. And I'd decided that it was just me being selfish....wanted to keep her just in case I feel like starting a relationship with her. Truly a jerk am I? Sheesh...

Like how another friend of mine puts it: The lost cannot be found. That is just so true. I don't deny that she is a very nice girl. A truly honest and innocent girl. But somehow I think she's not my type...I was irritated with her for being "slow", ignorant and her other weakness. Because of this, because I expressed my exasperation she got mad and we haven't been in contact for almost a month. I was mad with her as well. It was simply an expression; I did not yell at her, I did not scold her. And you know how she responded? Cried whole night, can't sleep, etc etc in other words: tortured herself. Why so silly? I have my own ego too. That was why I decided to give her the cold shoulder. Grr.

Now that she's in a relationship...what should I do? Call her up again and start congratulating her? What will she think? That I'm trying to hurt her again? But if I don't respond, will I be seen as butthurt?

The bad thing about me is that I tend to forget things very fast. I recovered relatively fast from my father's death. For that I was really surprised myself. If that's the case, this butthurt feeling will be gone very soon.

Already 24 this year, but still single and never been kissed. Wahahaha. My "pseudorelationship" with this girl was the closest thing to a real one. Do I sound desperate for a relationship? For this I dedicate this song, sung by Jordan Chan to myself:

神啊救救我

上天会保佑我的
爱情总会来的
我在梦中一切都有
可是现实啊常常是相反的

爱她的男人很多
那我又算什么
我在雨中喝着闷酒
反正幸福对我是奢侈的

心里太清楚了
其实她不爱我
奇怪地球上怎么会没有人
看上我

神啊 救救我吧
一把年纪了
一个爱人都没有
孤独是可怜的
如果没爱过
人生是黑白的

神啊 救救我吧
一个人晃了半辈子了为什么
我这样的男人啊就快要绝种
她啦又在哪儿

心里太清楚了
其实她不爱我
奇怪地球上怎么会没有人
看上我

神啊 救救我吧
一把年纪了
一个爱人都没有
孤独是可怜的
如果没爱过
人生是黑白的

神啊 救救我吧
一个人晃了半辈子了为什么
我这样的男人啊就快要绝种
她啦又在哪儿

神啊 救救我吧
一把年纪了
一个爱人都没有
孤独是可怜的
如果没爱过
人生是黑白的

神啊 救救我吧
一个人晃了半辈子了为什么
我这样的男人啊就快要绝种
她啦又在哪儿
上帝会保佑我的

LMF - 冚家拎

你报道日日净系乱0甘报道
失实0既手法改装0既内容
血肉模糊分开几节放响头版当砌图
借口话求事实其实个个争销路

有事你地无晒立场唔识公正报道
又话风水唔好
又话鬼链0甘吵
原来系—
你个鼻生得唔好
眉尖又额窄出事响个样度!!

今日0既头版伦常惨剧案
但系你将焦点放响拒老豆个度
你凭d乜0野咬定人系唔好??
人地好唔好你系要中立至好!!

跟住揭到娱乐版个度
个度有大波!
个度有勾佬!
个度有老作!
个度有哎交!
个度揭人私隐但d相就檬到睇唔到!!

我再揭到体育版个度
点解有陪率印晒响度?
香港足球排百几 q到好鬼离谱
踢得好会俾人去贿赂!
最紧要睇埋咸版兼广告
去边度叫鸡有第六味服务
星马泰日韩香港定系中国好
好似帮d鸡窦去promo!!

唔叼到你应以为自己好lan型
叼那星！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！冚家拎！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！

好彩阿叔我都谓眼识新丁
一睇！
哈哈，就知你系叼家拎

喂喂喂!!
你话系你系边个边个
我唔lung识波
系！我系觉得你好那型
不过系无宾周
个只那型!
我唔理你话你有几lan矜贵
系边度出黎又有几lan巴lan闭
我净系睇
你做得d乜野出黎俾我睇!
你唔lan使大吹大擂
又话系边个0个仔
正屎忽鬼!
揸住张记者证就以为自己好lan有计
又做乜lan乜做人你又要分上中下等
我谂我都识分
你唔系西人就系一条老lan!
要扮某种阶层要落兰桂坊滚
一lan靠昆正一神棍！！！

唔叼到你应以为自己好lan型
叼那星！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！冚家拎！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！

睇见你条友仔连隔夜饭都呕!
男人老狗着到姣婆0甘周围走
0甘大个人乜野叫做丑你都唔知
贪钱贪到出晒面就系人都知!
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影下大头影下你班猪朋狗友
香港娱记就系钟意报道d0甘0既疯狗！

唔叼到你应以为自己好lan型
叼那星！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！冚家拎！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！

唔叼到你应以为自己好lan型
叼那星！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！冚家拎！！！
you know what the fuck i'm saying
冚家拎！！！

Battered and bruised

Came back from a jog. Felt like I needed it. Very much. Destressing. I'm beginning to think that the sole purpose of this blog is just for me to release my pent-up anger. My insides are boiling right now. The fact that the problems getting stuck in my brain probably made it worse.

Some people can be so "kecil hati". And jumping to conclusions worsened it more. There is one perfect example around me right now. Due to his characters, he became enemy with his best friend. His best friend, as far as I know is the type that is kind, although slightly tactless. He at least is not as cunning, not as calculative and not as "kecil hati" as this sad bloke. So if he can make enemies with his best friend, what do you think when it comes to just a normal friend? He thinks he's the most pitiful person in the world. He felt so vulnerable. So he had to become selfish in order to protect himself. What a joke. Being an unethical , short-sighted person himself, he failed to see the good in other people. To him it's all a masquerade. I don't deny this myself. But he went too far. This indirectly resulted in him becoming a person who takes advantages for the sake of his own good. In other words, a self-centred person.

Hmm...why am I so concerned about this guy? Is he that important to me? Naah...probably because I hate conflicts especially if it the person whom you meet everyday, stays nearby, etc etc. If he's from the other group then it doesn't affect me at all.

But still, it made me ponder about the way I interact with people. Since I was young, I seem to fail in relationships. Be it primary school, secondary school, pre-u, and university level. Even with my sisters. What could be wrong with me? I feel like I'm losing people around me, although I do not have enemies. Could it be due to lack of my initiatives?

Whichever it might be, I feel that it's time to do something. I seriously need to "reconnect". Of course it doesn't involve that jerk. He already gave me a bad impression since Year One. Hmmph.

Qing Ming is getting near. Is the chronic wound about to bleed once more? Being a person who does not believe in ghosts and superstitions, I've always had a mad desire to talk to my dad, whatever form he might be in. When he was still alive, there was not much heart-to-heart talk between both of us. He's probably the type who keeps everything to himself. I seriously needed his guidance on everything.

Papa, it has been 3 years since you left us. And yet, you are still always in my mind. Always. I miss you papa.

Love you always,

Your poor son.

A depressing start

Gaah. Talking about my luck. I really can’t believe it. A lot of things had been happening to me these two days and yet, my streak of bad luck seems to be far from over. Already I had a nice introduction to this little blog of mine when suddenly the laptop went “poof”. Lights off. No electricity. What. The. Heck.

Well yeah, welcome to my blog. The idea of having a blog of my own was already etched in my mind months ago but somehow the plan never materialized. I guess it is about time for me to have one. After so long. After so many blogs visited.

Back in 1996 I had my 1st experience of writing my own diary. What started off as an enthusiastic hobby soon turned dull. Pages to paragraphs. Paragraphs to sentences. Sentences to nothingness. The hobby sort of “died” in less than a year’s time. Whether or not this blog will suffer the same ending, I do not know. For now, I think I need someone, if not something for me to pour my heart out.

It’s been ages since I was this depressed. What turned out to be a pleasant outing can be ruined by just one venting of frustration. When I tried to be understanding, it ended up being misinterpreted as selfish. When I’m thinking of starting a blog, the electricity died on me. Now another depressing SMS came as I was writing this entry. What could be worse?

I can’t believe that just one wrong action can turn the world upside down. I guess words are really mightier than the sword. Why does she have to react in such a serious manner? To me it was normal to be told off by someone. How the hell are you going to improve if you keep on thinking that your character is like that, and it’s been like this since you’re young? You must change. You must keep up! Otherwise you’ll be left behind! The way you’re doing it now, it seems that all the blame is upon me. That I was the cause for all these. That I’m such a jerk. Whatever. I’m not going to go around begging for forgiveness anymore. I’ve had enough of that. Every time I’m the one who is wrong, and every time I am the one ended up apologizing. Enough is enough!

Then there’s another fella, who was also angry at me. Apparently I didn’t inform him about the urgent meeting this morning. I thought you had personal matters to solve, after I saw you packing some stuff the other day. And you were missing yesterday night. How the hell am I supposed to know that you’re back when I am not around? I have already explained everything. If you still think I’m wrong, then I had nothing to say. I guess I have to be as hard as another friend of mine.

Saw my brother-in-law today at the evening market. So I decided to meet my sister and have a short chat. It’s been almost one year since I last saw her. To be honest, I have not been keeping in touch with all my sisters for quite sometime. I guess I’ll probably explain more of these later provided I’m still writing the blog. Well, the very first thing I felt, and already expected, was the awkward atmosphere. We don’t chat like brothers and sisters. Felt so…separated. Not even as close as what normal friend would be. Told her that I would see her again very soon. Will I be able to keep my promise? I really don’t know…

That's all for now.