Battered and bruised

Came back from a jog. Felt like I needed it. Very much. Destressing. I'm beginning to think that the sole purpose of this blog is just for me to release my pent-up anger. My insides are boiling right now. The fact that the problems getting stuck in my brain probably made it worse.

Some people can be so "kecil hati". And jumping to conclusions worsened it more. There is one perfect example around me right now. Due to his characters, he became enemy with his best friend. His best friend, as far as I know is the type that is kind, although slightly tactless. He at least is not as cunning, not as calculative and not as "kecil hati" as this sad bloke. So if he can make enemies with his best friend, what do you think when it comes to just a normal friend? He thinks he's the most pitiful person in the world. He felt so vulnerable. So he had to become selfish in order to protect himself. What a joke. Being an unethical , short-sighted person himself, he failed to see the good in other people. To him it's all a masquerade. I don't deny this myself. But he went too far. This indirectly resulted in him becoming a person who takes advantages for the sake of his own good. In other words, a self-centred person.

Hmm...why am I so concerned about this guy? Is he that important to me? Naah...probably because I hate conflicts especially if it the person whom you meet everyday, stays nearby, etc etc. If he's from the other group then it doesn't affect me at all.

But still, it made me ponder about the way I interact with people. Since I was young, I seem to fail in relationships. Be it primary school, secondary school, pre-u, and university level. Even with my sisters. What could be wrong with me? I feel like I'm losing people around me, although I do not have enemies. Could it be due to lack of my initiatives?

Whichever it might be, I feel that it's time to do something. I seriously need to "reconnect". Of course it doesn't involve that jerk. He already gave me a bad impression since Year One. Hmmph.

Qing Ming is getting near. Is the chronic wound about to bleed once more? Being a person who does not believe in ghosts and superstitions, I've always had a mad desire to talk to my dad, whatever form he might be in. When he was still alive, there was not much heart-to-heart talk between both of us. He's probably the type who keeps everything to himself. I seriously needed his guidance on everything.

Papa, it has been 3 years since you left us. And yet, you are still always in my mind. Always. I miss you papa.

Love you always,

Your poor son.