Family ties: keeping in touch and reciprocation

Dad, do you still remember what you told me when I was small? "Your sisters will be there for you. They will help you next time when you are in difficulty. You can stay at their place." Boy, am I glad to be reassured. I've always felt different...like a bastard child. I'm literally one. I've always the brother ....from another mother.

Then came my undergraduate studies. That was when things started to get ugly. Remember what your daughter said to your face? "That house is not yours to decide whether your son can stay!" You were heartbroken. Disappointed. That realization of the hard truth.

Then came your death. That was the last straw. The ties between me and your daughters .... Went into limbo. Typical outcome for a complicated Chinese family. The truth. The hatred. It all came out.

I buried my head into a hole. Like an ostrich. Chose to ignore and live my life as a loner. Dedicated to me myself and I. I tried my maintain the ties with some of them. Then the painful reminder....of your death, and your will. That same old sentence....of me not trying to keep in touch.

I did not want to seem like a parasite.i do not want to be dependent on all of them. Anymore. I admit that I'm half-hearted when it comes to keeping in touch. Coz there is this barrier I tried to overcome. But wait. Why only me? Why am I the only one have to keep in touch and wait for them to reciprocate? Why not the other way round?

I'm glad that I am recognized as their brother. I'm thankful for all their help when I encountered my first crisis as a young adult. I've always appreciated that. But somehow....deep inside, they are not the same. I know it. I believe they knew it too.

Dad, your son is getting married soon. I've been trying to attempt to talk to them. Maybe it was a bit late. There is no one to blame but me....really? Will the outcome be the same if I announced earlier? Somehow I think it'll be the same....in the end. So now....it's going to be me alone....again. None are attending. My wishes and angpau will be there for you. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.